My Life – The Relapse

relapse

My Life – The Relapse

September 2013…
Headaches…
Dizziness…
All day…
Every day…
Only one thing could make life seem worth living…………

Persistent pain from the moment I woke,
The Doctors telling me I was depressed,
Telling me “everything is getting to much for you,
Take some time off you’re stressed”

I had to come out of employment,
Because I was deemed to unsafe to work,
So I became locked inside my home,
Which just drove me berserk.

My health deteriorated more and more,
Those Anti-Depressants just made me worse,
They told me they would make me feel better,
But it was like I was taking a curse.

Money Started running out,
I was about to get into debt,
That’s where I became weak,
And made my biggest life regret….

I relapsed….
And turned to Valium (diazepam)….

Before I knew it I had lost it all,
My home,
My Fiancé,
My pets,
My life,
I was left with nothing,
Nothing at all…
My parents took me in,
I was in a physical and mental mess,
Disappearing for days on end,
Leaving them sitting there in distress.
Worrying about where I was,
And who I was with,
Then when I finally saw them,
I would say “I do not want to live”
I put them through hell,
Looking back now I feel so bad,
Taking everything out on them,
When they were the only thing I had…

In a house full of strangers,
I was found lying on the bed,
Motionless and unresponsive,
Everyone thought I was dead…
But no one called an ambulance,
Instead they poured sugar in my mouth and chucked me in a shower,
Eventually I came around,
And was back taking drugs within the hour.

I was referred to a mental health institution,
Where they said “We need to talk before you have any chance of leaving”,
I told them how much drugs I was on,
And they replied “I don’t know how you’re still breathing”,
Luckily for me, they left me leave that day,
I was given one more chance to change,
So I started back in the gym,
And kept the drugs out of range.

Now I stand here today,
Drug and alcohol free since November 2013,
Still getting dizziness and headaches,
But 100% clean!
It turns out the fluid pressure on my brain is very high,
But now I’m getting the correct care,
I’m also back with my Fiancé,
Who forgives me for the despair.
After the pain and destruction I caused,
I guarantee drugs are a thing of the past,
There won’t be a relapse again,
I promise you all that was my last…

So yeah, that’s a brief piece on why I’ve been away and what went on during that time. I intend to do more in depth poems on different periods that happened during the relapse, so keep an eye out for them!

Also can you vote for my mate’s band it literally takes 2 seconds, just click the link then vote! They need to get into the top 15 to play the Red Bull stage and are currently 18th!
Here’s the link:

http://download.redbullstudios.com/band-2014/oceans-apart/?fb_action_ids=311269048997754&fb_action_types=og.comments

Follow me on Twitter – @CoreyPoetry
Thank you everyone!!

17 comments on “My Life – The Relapse

  1. josephjnaid says:

    Dude more people understand than you would think. The perception of isolation is the hardest thing to kick.

    Keep up the awesome writing, a true word paints a thousand pictures.

  2. MarinaSofia says:

    Oh, Corey, so sorry to hear what a tough time you’ve had over the past few months! I kept asking myself (and other bloggers) what had happened with you. So the silence was not a good sign… Good to have you back and well.

    • ClownPonders says:

      Nope the silence was not a good sign!
      Things just went from bad to worse but I have got through it and am stronger for the experience :)
      I’m still awaiting more tests to decide whether I need surgery or not to relieve the pressure, should know more in the next 6 weeks :)
      Thank you for the concern, it means so much!

  3. Crikey Correy what brought this on you used to be so good at your poetry dear friend .I was shocked to read this I thought you were doing okay and aiming high in life as you once told me writing had inspired you to change .well you and me both faceing challenges buy looks of things sorry to hear whats happened really am .well friend i too am faceing a challenge on 26th march i was told i had cancer in both my kidneys and they would have to remove them both but cant tel me yet if it has spread or not untill they are out and tested i dint even know anything was wrong with me so major changes in life for us both i hope you get through this bad spell i think you have the courage and fight in you to do it just believe in your self ,give your self something to aim for and you wil do it correy i get operated on in less than two weeks .bye for now you cand do it correy from kevin in portsmouth

    • ClownPonders says:

      Wow I am so sorry to hear that and I wish you all the luck in the world! Your situation makes my health problems seem so small, please keep me updated and tell me how the operation goes!
      The pain became to much and I couldn’t sleep, what started off as just something to help me sleep quickly escalated, but after seeing all the hurt I caused I can finally say I will NEVER do drugs again!

      • ive been through depression correy so i know how you feel I am reasonably well considering what ive got feel very tired sometimes but no real symptons thats why mine was shock but you dear friend need something to focus on now to get you moving forward one way might be to help others bye teaching them not to do what you have done give something back to socioty council peole who are doing it help teach youngsters not to get involved with it mine is in gods hands whatever he chooses for me if they get me past theatres doors as i hate hospitals .the battle has commenced i can tell you now i want to see you doo the good work you used to do okay correy go and inspire the younger generation in some way . good luck i have my op on the 28th this month.you take care

      • hello correy first stage of sugery complete main operation on monday now hope things improving for me my friend show us you can overcome this awfull situation your going through

  4. lawrenceez says:

    Hi, so sorry to hear about the relapse, but good to see you’re on the mend. Great poetry.

  5. floridaborne says:

    You certainly have been through hell.

  6. floridaborne says:

    I forgot to add this: In your “about” page you describe yourself as not well educated. Some of the most ignorant people I know have high-level degrees. They’re unable to look past what they learned in a class and use it in life. It’s one thing to learn what’s in a book and regurgitate it back to a professor. It’s yet another thing to be able to translate what you learn in life through observation and reading, use critical thinking to sort out the meaning, and express it so that all around you can understand. We’ve mistaken a piece of paper that says “graduate” with the ability to use what it learned.

  7. lynnkennison says:

    So glad you’re standing today Corey..! Wow! May you stand long, long, long after going through this. Your poetry is amazing. Looking forward to reading more of it!

  8. Corey I’m so incredibly proud of you💜 we have been through so much together, 3 year anniversary tommorow :) I love you always have, always will mi warrior💋

  9. Helen Ross says:

    Hi Corey. You are incredibly talented and have so much to give. Keep believing in yourself. You are back and that is wonderful.

  10. Beautiful. Thanks for the transparency :-)

  11. Amondia says:

    Hey, thanks for sharing this. It must be difficult to let the world in on the pain, despair and hopelessness. Be encouraged, there are a whole lot of people here that wait to read from you. You are in my prayers. #TeamCorey!

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