My Life – The Relapse

relapse

My Life – The Relapse

September 2013…
Headaches…
Dizziness…
All day…
Every day…
Only one thing could make life seem worth living…………

Persistent pain from the moment I woke,
The Doctors telling me I was depressed,
Telling me “everything is getting to much for you,
Take some time off you’re stressed”

I had to come out of employment,
Because I was deemed to unsafe to work,
So I became locked inside my home,
Which just drove me berserk.

My health deteriorated more and more,
Those Anti-Depressants just made me worse,
They told me they would make me feel better,
But it was like I was taking a curse.

Money Started running out,
I was about to get into debt,
That’s where I became weak,
And made my biggest life regret….

I relapsed….
And turned to Valium (diazepam)….

Before I knew it I had lost it all,
My home,
My Fiancé,
My pets,
My life,
I was left with nothing,
Nothing at all…
My parents took me in,
I was in a physical and mental mess,
Disappearing for days on end,
Leaving them sitting there in distress.
Worrying about where I was,
And who I was with,
Then when I finally saw them,
I would say “I do not want to live”
I put them through hell,
Looking back now I feel so bad,
Taking everything out on them,
When they were the only thing I had…

In a house full of strangers,
I was found lying on the bed,
Motionless and unresponsive,
Everyone thought I was dead…
But no one called an ambulance,
Instead they poured sugar in my mouth and chucked me in a shower,
Eventually I came around,
And was back taking drugs within the hour.

I was referred to a mental health institution,
Where they said “We need to talk before you have any chance of leaving”,
I told them how much drugs I was on,
And they replied “I don’t know how you’re still breathing”,
Luckily for me, they left me leave that day,
I was given one more chance to change,
So I started back in the gym,
And kept the drugs out of range.

Now I stand here today,
Drug and alcohol free since November 2013,
Still getting dizziness and headaches,
But 100% clean!
It turns out the fluid pressure on my brain is very high,
But now I’m getting the correct care,
I’m also back with my Fiancé,
Who forgives me for the despair.
After the pain and destruction I caused,
I guarantee drugs are a thing of the past,
There won’t be a relapse again,
I promise you all that was my last…

So yeah, that’s a brief piece on why I’ve been away and what went on during that time. I intend to do more in depth poems on different periods that happened during the relapse, so keep an eye out for them!

Also can you vote for my mate’s band it literally takes 2 seconds, just click the link then vote! They need to get into the top 15 to play the Red Bull stage and are currently 18th!
Here’s the link:

http://download.redbullstudios.com/band-2014/oceans-apart/?fb_action_ids=311269048997754&fb_action_types=og.comments

Follow me on Twitter – @CoreyPoetry
Thank you everyone!!

Hey Guys!!

So yeah I have been away for a while, A LOT has happened since my last post, some bad, some good and I shall be writing about it over the coming days!! 

Looking forward to catching up on the many posts I have missed from you guys! :D

Will you guys also do me a massive favor? Vote for my mates band to play at Download festival? They need to be in the top 15 to be in with a shot and they are currently 18th! It only takes a second to vote and if you could leave a comment saying I sent you there that would be so awesome!
Here’s the link it takes 2 seconds!

http://download.redbullstudios.com/band-2014/oceans-apart/?fb_action_ids=311269048997754&fb_action_types=og.comments

Thanks for all the support guys, I have some very interesting poems nearly ready for posting so watch this space!

The 3rd World

The 3rd world

The 3rd World

Think of all the people,
In the 3rd world forsaken,
Onlookers of brutality,
Feeling terrified and shaken.
While we sit comfortable,
Only on TV we see violence,
While they listen to bloodshed,
We can go to sleep in silence.
They pray at night,
To end their pain and sorrow,
We pray at night,
To win the lottery tomorrow.
We have amazing health care,
We can go whenever we need to go,
They have next to no healthcare,
Which means their life expectancy is low.
Plagued with diseases,
People are left there to die,
Parents watch their children waste away,
And all they can do is cry.
That would never happen here,
Every child deserves to live,
But the power is out of our hands,
All we can do is give.
Without any electricity,
At night they sit in the dark,
Only when the gun fire starts,
Will they ever see a spark.
Their land is a waste ground,
Infested with pollution,
Children searching for food,
And we have no solution.
There’s no education there,
No one can read or write,
Children with no prospects,
This is just not right.
Malnourished and unhappy,
They may have to go days without a meal,
While we can just order a take-away,
Can you imagine how they feel?
They drink dirty water,
While we waste litres every day,
They are the meaning of poverty,
We are different in every way.
But we are all humans,
Its unfair our lives are so different,
But it will stay the same,
As any change seems so distant.
They have next to nothing,
While we get the latest in technology,
Neglected from the life they deserve,
They are owed more than an apology…

A Poem By Corey Booth – 14/08/13
Twitter – @CoreyPoetry …… :)

The Poetry Challenge – Truth Or Truth – 04/08/13 – The Top Three!!!

the-top-three1

The title for “The Poetry Challenge” this week was “Truth Or Truth“. Every entry this week has been quality, so a round of applause to everyone who submitted some work!
Thanks for everyone that took part once again this week, please vote for your favourite poem on the poll at the bottom of the page.
The winner will be added to “The Poetry Challenge – The Top Voted” page :)
Also follow me on twitter for updates on future challenges and so I can ensure I don’t miss any of your posts – @CoreyPoetry

A – jbjfan2009

Why doesn’t she see me?
I’m am a man made of cellophane.
Drifting through life unnoticed.

If she saw me the way I saw her.
I’d be a man made of everything.
Feeling sorry for the man I used to be.

The man that smiles no matter what.
Can a cellophane man even smile?
When the mirror reflects nothing but nothing.

The burning in my chest.
The cellophane melting around my heart.
Now does she see the cellophane man?

Of course not.
Even my beating heart is transparent.
No one can see it breaking, because no one can see.

B – johnbullock

Truth is truth, excepting the occasions when it is not.
My Truth is not my friend’s truth,
Not my father’s truth, my child’s.

Truth can only be expressed in words. Relative and poorly constructed.
And words are fallible, unstable, misused and abused.
Words are no more than signs and symbols,
Signifiers of a subjective existence.

A Childs’ game of categories, to compartmentalise a continuum.
Words change, expand and contract, as endlessly they shift
As grains of sand on a beach.

There is no truth in a dictionary, every word a lie.
Words cannot be what they seek to represent,
They cannot transcend.

“Ceci n’est pas une pipe.”

Truth is the trick of a conjuror , the white rabbit
No longer in the hat. With Sleight of Hand our daylight truths
Become in darkness, our deepest fears.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God,
And the Word was God” but my God is not yours,
Real truth lies only with the Omnipotent.

And what treasons are committed in the treachery of the word.
Innocence slain, commands, orders, and just cause for the belligerent.
Give your life only for love.

“Verum esse ipsum factum” – All truth is a lie.

C – mindlovemisery

I spill through you, in the echoes of interstellar space
Yearning for a dream unbroken, a dream adamantine in
The presence of our murderous hesitations. Will we ever
Be more than defeat? I remind you of the absences, of
The silences that precede war and in this world I have
Never hated anyone more than myself, unforgivable
These hands that do not reach when gripped in uncertain
Prayer, disheartened this necessitous mouth that shrugs
On inquiry, language soluble in saliva. I have failed you,
Myself mostly, when did therapy go from aphrodisiac
To anesthesia? When did Depression become the focus,
The destination to which we are unwittingly conveyed?
*
I watch as you divide hope, discarding the amphetamines
Valium over tea, lets be calm and simple, let’s not struggle
Or fight, let the constellations purr fluorescent blue, forget
The sun with its howling perversions. My blood seethes, I
Have a poet’s proclivities for extremes, for rusty red anarchy
But my mind, she sleeps, falls through the crevices of a life
Carved out by instincts. I am too superstitious, too defensive
To believe in any logic that a fiend would conceive. I am not
Hominal despite the application of crushing grievances, I wear
Your skin, my own crystallized with prenatal violence, came to
Feel nothing. I wear your smile freshly pressed against my own
And your vitriolic tears, ink, for a soul incomprehensible
You who have taught me compassion would now bid us sleep
*
The greatest tragedy of all is believing that balance is ever
Achieved, there is nothing passive about contentment, it
Comes from labor, if we never move, will we as stone
Erode? Will our oppressed organs weep? Have we not to find
Just the right amount of uncomfortable in order that we should
Wake? Isn’t that what you taught me when I ceased animation?
I don’t want to belong to the machinations of a convention made
Ego-structure. Let us survive with our honest hands in motion inside
A reality that we as individuals can singularly perceive

The Distance Relationship – Part 3 – Reunited

What you have missed:
Part 1 – A Letter To Her
Part 2 – The Night Before

emotional-couple-embracing

The Distance Relationship – Part 3 – Reunited

I walked in,
And there you were,
I couldn’t speak,
I could only slur.
Like the moonlight at night,
Your face shone with beauty,
Now making you happy,
Will be my duty.
I drained out my emotion,
Through the tears of my eyes,
They were like a dripping tap,
And yours were like-wise.
You ran into my arms,
To a goddess I was clutching,
An elegance not matched,
A real princess I was touching.
Stroking the anatomy of perfection,
I was back where I belonged,
I just wish my time with you,
Could some how be prolonged.
We have been down for so long,
Our happiness has been a drought,
But today that all changed,
As the rain has come out.
My adrenaline was pumping,
Euphoria flowing through my veins,
Lots of energy and passion,
Is what our love still retains.
The same girl I left,
Was the same girl when I returned,
Just with a bigger smile,
And a little more concerned.
I have been wandering through the desert,
Dehydrated, dry and warm,
Then you came along,
And provided me the storm.
This time we have had apart,
Has made us so strong,
And I hope you keep that strength,
Next time that I’m gone.
And I am sure you will,
As we are now as tough as leather,
Both were broken pieces,
That have been put back together.
You are the only girl in the world for me,
Like my names Adam and you are Eve,
So lets enjoy this time we have together,
Before I pack my bags and have to leave…

By Corey Booth – 10/08/13
Twitter – @CoreyPoetry

My Life – The Drugs

Different types of drugs

My Life – The Drugs

At the young age of 14,
Cannabis was a daily habit,
I wouldn’t say I was addicted,
I just had to have it,
And I mean I HAD to have it,
By any means necessary,
I would steal from my mother,
And anyone else in my family.
I was so laid back then,
I could barely get out of bed,
All I cared about was smoking green,
Then chilling out and getting fed.
Then things got worse,
It went from smoking weed,
To popping ecstasy pills,
And taking speed.
One minute my life was so relaxed,
Now my adrenaline was flowing,
Partying at 100 miles an hour,
With no sign of it slowing.
I was staying up for 3 nights,
My head was an erratic mess,
With a lifestyle like this,
How was a young me ever going to progress?
That young me never did progress,
Other drugs I started to take,
Snorting Cocaine and Mephedrone,
Getting the best high I could make.
My eyes were constantly wide,
Looking ill with my pale white skin,
But I had no care in the world,
As I was putting another gram in.
I would do anything to get a buzz,
I would even end up owing people money,
But at the time I didn’t care,
I used to think that stuff was funny.
As soon I was on a come down,
I was thinking about the come up,
Just a phone call later,
And my narcotics were there to pickup.
Getting hold of drugs was so easy,
No wonder my head was such a mess,
Maybe if it was harder to get hold of,
I would of taken a little less.
Luckily for me I grew up before anything bad happened,
I have made myself into a recluse since then,
Living in fear of going out and relapsing,
Because that could so easily happen again.
I lost so many friends when I became clean,
But I guess associates were all they were,
At least now I know who really cares about me,
And I guess having less friends I prefer.
Now I get angry really easily,
And have a very short memory,
But I guess that’s my own fault,
I was my own worst enemy.
My past has made me who I am today,
But relapsing is always in the back of my head,
But I am lucky I found the strength to change,
Because otherwise I’d be dead…

This is just an insight into my past life, if you have any questions feel free to ask me on here or on twitter – @CoreyPoetry

By Corey Booth 08/08/13

Depression

depression

Depression

Not wanting to live,
But not wanting to die,
Drowning in your own thoughts,
And wanting to cry.
Very low spirited,
Day after day,
Not being able to sleep,
When in bed you lay.
Irritable and impatient,
Feeling full of despair,
Even when you awake,
You’re in a nightmare.
Distancing yourself from others,
And finding it difficult to speak,
Thinking what is the point?
As the future seems bleak.
Wanting to self harm,
Battling with anxiety,
Listening to repetitive thoughts,
While sitting there so silently.
Tired with no energy,
You cant cope with the stress,
You cant make no decisions,
As your mind is a mess.
One in five get depression,
So alone you are not,
And you will get through it,
Even if your mind says you cannot.

A Poem By Corey Booth . . :)
Twitter – @CoreyPoetry