My Life – The Relapse
Only one thing could make life seem worth living…………
Persistent pain from the moment I woke,
The Doctors telling me I was depressed,
Telling me “everything is getting to much for you,
Take some time off you’re stressed”
I had to come out of employment,
Because I was deemed to unsafe to work,
So I became locked inside my home,
Which just drove me berserk.
My health deteriorated more and more,
Those Anti-Depressants just made me worse,
They told me they would make me feel better,
But it was like I was taking a curse.
Money Started running out,
I was about to get into debt,
That’s where I became weak,
And made my biggest life regret….
And turned to Valium (diazepam)….
Before I knew it I had lost it all,
I was left with nothing,
Nothing at all…
My parents took me in,
I was in a physical and mental mess,
Disappearing for days on end,
Leaving them sitting there in distress.
Worrying about where I was,
And who I was with,
Then when I finally saw them,
I would say “I do not want to live”
I put them through hell,
Looking back now I feel so bad,
Taking everything out on them,
When they were the only thing I had…
In a house full of strangers,
I was found lying on the bed,
Motionless and unresponsive,
Everyone thought I was dead…
But no one called an ambulance,
Instead they poured sugar in my mouth and chucked me in a shower,
Eventually I came around,
And was back taking drugs within the hour.
I was referred to a mental health institution,
Where they said “We need to talk before you have any chance of leaving”,
I told them how much drugs I was on,
And they replied “I don’t know how you’re still breathing”,
Luckily for me, they left me leave that day,
I was given one more chance to change,
So I started back in the gym,
And kept the drugs out of range.
Now I stand here today,
Drug and alcohol free since November 2013,
Still getting dizziness and headaches,
But 100% clean!
It turns out the fluid pressure on my brain is very high,
But now I’m getting the correct care,
I’m also back with my Fiancé,
Who forgives me for the despair.
After the pain and destruction I caused,
I guarantee drugs are a thing of the past,
There won’t be a relapse again,
I promise you all that was my last…
So yeah, that’s a brief piece on why I’ve been away and what went on during that time. I intend to do more in depth poems on different periods that happened during the relapse, so keep an eye out for them!
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Thank you everyone!!